Quite Simply In Bad Taste

Sometimes I'll have an idea for a comic, and I'll flesh it out real fast without really thinking about the ramifications of what I've done, or it's future effect on the online community. Afterwards, I'll take a look at my work and the only thing that will come to my mind is, Hmm. I'll try to think of some way to put my thoughts into words, but, still, all I'll be able to come up with is, Hmm. And don't worry, the hospital staff shooed Ray out before he could get his grub on. Those nurses are a shrewd bunch.

Anyway, new times are afoot. My friend Whitney has moved someplace where it would behoove her to have her computer back in her care after so graciously allowing me to hold onto it and use it in my otherwise computerless room. Good times have been had, but all things must end, I suppose. Besides, my roommate Elliott is selling me his Desktop for a cool $350. I'll be able to play Max Payne 2, Starcraft, Call of Duty, and Minesweeper!! For lack of a better adjective, I am stoked.

Well, that's all I've got for now. See ya'll when I see ya. Also, on a minor note, I'm really glad I'm still making these comics.

A Long Time in Coming

I can remember the day when I realized that man had finally created something incredibly beautiful...and then raped it with paper sacks. For a long time, the cinema has been a shining example of what the human race is truly capable of. A second example was shown when mankind invented the spawn of Lucifer himself: the Fandango bags.

My roommate Elliott will at times get a faraway look in his eyes, and an insidious grin will spread across his features, and in these moments, I know exactly what he's thinking of. He dreams of endless fields where these bags are burned, filled with poo, drenched in meat and given to ravenous wolves, hooked up to car batteries and fried to death, their screams echoing forever and ever and the world has never been so beautiful.

I know...because I dream the same dream. And I wake up smiling.

Ecksplisit Kontent

So where exactly do the world's most eligible dino-bachelors go to pick up chicks? Why, the local zoo, of course! The gals don't really respond, and even if they did, it'd be impossible to take them out to dinner without incurring the wrath of local security, or even worse, Animal Control. But at least our pair of heroes get to ogle some fellow Archosaurs. Is that disturbing? Kind of incestual, I guess, but the family is so broad it'd be like sleeping with a fourth cousin. By then you're only related by marriage, anyway. Like in that Jet Li movie, Once Upon a Time in China or something. It was wierd. Good movie, though. Good franchise, actually, because they made four more.

Speaking of Jet Li, in an hour and a half, I'm going to see Forbidden Kingdom. Gonna be awesome, I hope. After that, I'm going to not drink this weekend. I'm excited. Are you excited? Fuck you then. Jerk.

Garcia. OUT!!

Just a Little Two-Fer

Here's a pair of quickies for your reading enjoyment! To all of those interested, Brick was a good movie, and Stealth was awesome, too. Also, Zach Miller is gay. And what is this?! Is my body crying?! Am I going to die? Sweat?! What the hell is sweat?!

(everyone should read Penny Arcade)

No Country for Old Kaijū

There's an old legend that Antoine Chigurh and Chuck Norris passed each other once on a dirt road. Ten minutes after passing each other, Chuck Norris turned around and swung a roundhouse kick in Chigurh's general direction. As the deadly shockwave of nuclear proportions sped towards the man with the worst haircut ever given, Chigurh simply turned around and looked at the imposing blast with dead eyes. Eyes that said "you may be an act more than an object, untouchable by man and practically made by God...but I'll still kill you."

At this, the shockwave dissipated. Chuck Norris felt a sinking feeling after seeing the look in Chigurh's eyes from miles away, turned back around, and kept on walking. Chigurh, meanwhile, continued up the road, where he killed an orphan, three cows, a man grieving in a cemetary, and Tobey Maguire's mom.

I'm not entirely certain why Ray looks up to the Lone Ranger so damn much. Hell, Tonto was the brains of the operation, if you ask me. But hey, to each his own, right? Well, it's been an all right week, but I'm lookin' forward to the weekend. See ya'll when I see ya!

Family History

You would think that dinosaurs who have figured out the intracacies of computer software, video games, color television, and the dreaded Half-Windsor would simply go to FamilyTree.com or some other such website, and trace their roots back to the Jurassic era. Or Cretaceous. When the hell did these guys live? Who knows. Yes, I see you raising your hand over there. No, I don't care.

So I saw 21 today. I was impressed. It wasn't the best movie I've ever seen, but it was definitely worth the cash. It's like when you watch Ocean's 13, and you think to yourself, There's no way that this could possibly all work out exactly like that. Only Ocean's 13 was a little better.

Well, this is a short one. It's been a long week, with plenty of surprises, some good, some bad. I'm just tired, both physically and emotionally, and I'm ready for the weekend. Woo. See ya'll later.

On Another Note...

Blizzard announced over at their Starcraft 2 site, www.starcraft2.com, that the newest unit to aid the Terran forces is the Tauren Marine, a strange beast hailing from the obscure planet of Azeroth. According to the website, these beefy new soldiers are now an integral part of the Confederate military, and have managed to horn in on the roles traditionally filled by firebats and other infantry units. Should be a gas.

Also, Happy April 1st.

This Should Happen More Often

It's scary, but people get burned and/or set on fire more often than you'd think. Truly, there is also a difference between the two aforementioned events. For instance, striking a strike-anywhere match across someone's flesh? That's burning them. Tossing said match onto the screaming, gasoline-soaked heap of an annoying pop tart? That's setting them on fire. Makes me smile all over.

But I digress. I've recently seen the film Blood Diamond for the first time, and I have to say, it was quite an experience. It is a tragic film depicting Sierra Leone back in the late 90s, when brutal, murderous revolutionaries were at war with the corrupt, savage government, and the populace of the nation was sandwiched between the two. And, of course, there is a plot, and it's a good one. Leonardo DiCaprio's accent was a little irritating at first, but after awhile, you kind of don't notice it anymore.

Anyway, that's all I've got, I guess. I've got to go work at Chili's tonight, and then my nights are free until next Monday!! Woo!! I'm excited. See ya'll later.

The Perils of Archosauria

Legend has it that God snapped his fingers and created everything. Then He invented the act of just chillin'. And you know what? I believe legend. Know why? Because He's God. However, I do have a serious question. I'm beginning to think that the whole "creating certain stuff every day of the week" idea might be a little metaphorical. Because where...the hell...did all the damn dinosaurs go!?!?

Personally, I believe they went into hiding.

Picture this. A pair of Tyraptosaurus Rexes, hanging out in the Creataceous period with the worst weed the future California has to offer, accidentally stumble upon a 10,000 year supply of Funyuns, as well as an XBox, an N64, and a 70" Sony Plasmascreen with a lifetime warranty. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, times were difficult millions of years ago.

The only reason our two heroes Ray and Otis (who now sports a tie, so you can tell the difference) have come back into the big, bright, technologically-advanced, mentally-challenged, morally-skewed world is in pursuit of more Funyuns. And pizza. Dinosaurs are straight fiends for pizza.

But at any rate, time to torture you with my opinions on stuff and junk. I watched my good buddy Zach Miller play Patapon on the PSP for half an hour today, and I gotta tell ya, I could've watched it for at least another, like...day or so. If I had Funyuns. You know, I knew a guy once who was terrified of Funyuns as a child. Seriously. I cannot make this type of thing up. He's a good guy, too, works in the restaurant business, lives with a sociopath who burns people, and once did a knife hit off of my stove at the old Woburn Estate. Swell guy.

Also, I played House of the Dead 2 today on the Wii. And if I'd beat myself over the head repeatedly with a hammer, it wouldn't have been much different. HOW ABOUT SOME EXTRA CONTINUES, YOU JAPANESE FUCKERS?!? Yeah. Irritating. Well, 'til next time. Garcia. OUT!

Happy Easter!!

Happy Easter ladies and gentlemen! It is on this day that we celebrate the resurrection of Teh_Lamb, who pretty much pwned sin at the cross. And Satan cried. Like a vadge.

Anyway, here's a new comic for your enjoyment! It made me smile. And then it made me wish I had a scanner so I didn't have to take a picture of the comic with a digital camera and then upload it onto my computadore. I've really been enjoying making these simple Far-Side-esque comics, hope you enjoy reading them. That's all I've got for now, another update shall follow later this week! Woo!

New Directions

So I'm taking this blog in a completely new direction. What would that be, you may ask??

ANY DIRECTION I DAMN WELL PLEASE.

Okay, so that's really not a new direction at all. But I started my long, arduous trek earlier today armed with a backpack, a sandwich, and a compass, but after realizing that I have no idea how to use a sandwich, I decided just to stay at home and post a new blog.

Whist sitting at the Peanut Farm last week, Zach handed me his now-shattered clipboard and asked me to draw a comic. My response? A pair of dinosaurs, one eating a dead man, the other rooting through a satchel. Suddenly, the curious dinosaur raiding the man's pack says, "Hold your horses there, Ray. This guy's got a Moose's Tooth coupon and twenty bucks." I was immediately quite smitten with the pair of Tyraptosaurus Rexes I had drawn (I can see Zach's maddened jaw, quivering in anger), one named Ray, the other Otis, and no way to tell the difference between the two, and realized that they could have all sorts of misadventures.

I was then asked to draw another one, after being threatened with bodily harm from Zach, who was, by this time, all hopped up on pancreas meds, and frought with anger from his despondent lack of Mountain Dew. I proceeded to pump out a bar scene of Cecil and Frank (with Miller aiding in the drawing of the latter) , my two favorite standbys, sitting at a bar. Cecil is pouring out his heart and soul to his aardvark companion, describing his sorrows and heartache with utter sincerity, to which Frank interrupts him with "Fuck off, the game's back on."

This brings me to my final point. I love comics. I love drawing them. Am I great at drawing? Not particularly. Am I good? I like to pretend I am. And my two beloved salamanders, their angry disfigured catfish companion, his curious love with a tadpole, and the drunken cockroach beer salesman? I will never forget them.

And so, it is with great pleasure and excitement, that I show you the death of "Of Warts and Other Matters," and introduce in its stead, "Misadventures." The cast? Ray, Otis, Cecil, Frank, Hazel, Bigwig, Fish, Lily, and Carlos.

Not all at the same time, of course. It won't be weekly, but I shall certainly be posting some new content soon. There are definitely snags in my planning, of course. Namely, my lack of a scanner or other such utility. I suppose I could take a picture of each comic with my digital camera, but geez. Are you serious?? Anyway, I'm excited, hopefully you are too. Now if you'll excuse me, I just bought some sweet Mexican beer. Tequiza. Try it out. 9 bucks for a six-pack. Delicious.

Garcia. OUT.