The Perils of Archosauria

Legend has it that God snapped his fingers and created everything. Then He invented the act of just chillin'. And you know what? I believe legend. Know why? Because He's God. However, I do have a serious question. I'm beginning to think that the whole "creating certain stuff every day of the week" idea might be a little metaphorical. Because where...the hell...did all the damn dinosaurs go!?!?

Personally, I believe they went into hiding.

Picture this. A pair of Tyraptosaurus Rexes, hanging out in the Creataceous period with the worst weed the future California has to offer, accidentally stumble upon a 10,000 year supply of Funyuns, as well as an XBox, an N64, and a 70" Sony Plasmascreen with a lifetime warranty. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, times were difficult millions of years ago.

The only reason our two heroes Ray and Otis (who now sports a tie, so you can tell the difference) have come back into the big, bright, technologically-advanced, mentally-challenged, morally-skewed world is in pursuit of more Funyuns. And pizza. Dinosaurs are straight fiends for pizza.

But at any rate, time to torture you with my opinions on stuff and junk. I watched my good buddy Zach Miller play Patapon on the PSP for half an hour today, and I gotta tell ya, I could've watched it for at least another, like...day or so. If I had Funyuns. You know, I knew a guy once who was terrified of Funyuns as a child. Seriously. I cannot make this type of thing up. He's a good guy, too, works in the restaurant business, lives with a sociopath who burns people, and once did a knife hit off of my stove at the old Woburn Estate. Swell guy.

Also, I played House of the Dead 2 today on the Wii. And if I'd beat myself over the head repeatedly with a hammer, it wouldn't have been much different. HOW ABOUT SOME EXTRA CONTINUES, YOU JAPANESE FUCKERS?!? Yeah. Irritating. Well, 'til next time. Garcia. OUT!