Marijuana....KILLS.

Wow! Another comic already! This is unheard of!! Seriously, I drew like 3 comics in 2 days time. It was awesome. This one was a lot of fun to do, I had a bit of a rough time trying to figure out how to properly execute the idea, i.e. how salamanders and a fish could smoke pot underwater. Didn't take long to realize the potential of salamanders...who can breathe on land, incidentally.

Well, a lot has been going on recently. I've just heard from Doyon Drilling Inc., and they want me to come in tomorrow for an interview. Hopefully, I'll start sleeping on a big pile of money within the next month or so. Which would be sweet. And also tight. On a darker note, my 1 year relationship has just ended. It was one hell of a year though, and I mean that in a good way. We had a lot of good times together, and hopefully we'll still have many more.

Also, does anybody have a dresser that they're getting rid of? Because that would be pretty cool. If, you know, I could have one. Or something. I don't know. Anyways, best of luck to you all today, I hope this comic makes you smile. Especially you.

Until next time, this is me. Out.

A Cockaroach's Tale

Strange and slightly disturbing as it may seem, cockroach pregnancies are oftentimes tragic occurrences. Most cockroach mothers drink and/or smoke during pregnancy, creating malformed or depressed larva that tend to turn to alcohol, marijuana, and off-brands of glue for comfort. This has, of course, created a generation of delinquent cockroaches who spend their time doing drugs, spray-paining graffiti, and making a general nuisance of themselves. At times, a cockroach will OD on PCP and cut off its own head, running around crazy for days before finally dying from lack of name-brand glue.

Fucking tragedy.

These Things Happen...

Well, here we are at last, another Warts comic. Horrific events such as the one depicted do, in fact, actually happen from time to time. The best you can do is grit your teeth, steady yourself, and repeat "he didn't just say that he didn't just say that" over and over until you've regained control of your bodily functions. After that, you'd better shower, in case any of the subject's horrible thoughts of saturated your flesh. Maybe in a couple of years you'll be able to watch Lord of the Rings again without gagging.

Yes, I'm still here, and I'm beginning to like drawing these comics. Which is strange, I know, seeing as I've only posted, like, 5. But it's still lots of fun. For those of you who are interested, Verdakk's forums are quite hoppin' right now, and we're about to go on a kick-ass quest to destory the Scales of Arcturus, and after that, we'll create a new game, 18 years later, in which all of our old characters are sick with some strange disease. All kinds of hardcore shit is gonna hit the fan, including Lantaro being forced to do an evil mission for the evil Order of the Vardin, and Jadex getting killed by the new good guys, the Order of the Phenix Tyl.

Fun times.

But for those of you who feel like shitting a brick out of disgust every time you hear the word "Vardin," do not fret, there is something for you in this blog, as well! All I know is movies and salamanders, and it's time, once again, to talk about movies. Strictly speaking, ones coming out very soon. Those on the top of my to-do list are as follows:

300

Smokin' Aces

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Freedom Writers

Children of Men

Alpha Dog

Primeval

I'm excited about the top 3, mostly. It'll be sweet. Anyway, until next time. Later!

Just how it is.

Well, here's the fourth comic in the series. I know, it's amazing. Quite a grand feat. Whoo! This particular one is just a day in the life of our triplicate of heroes, and includes a cameo by Carlos, a rare character in the series.

He's a cockroach, in case you hadn't noticed.

Here's an update for my five readers, I know it's been awhile. Well, I obviously made it back from the Land of Morm with my soul intact, as well as my mind. It was a good Christmas, I got massive breakfast every morning and a home-cooked meal every night, got to see the whole family, most of the cousins and whatnot, saw a few familiar faces, and got a bunch of kick-ass new gifts.

Just a few of the items are an iPod shuffle, some new corduroys, an awesome Christopher Walken t-shirt, and a whole bundle of much-needed socks. It was a kickass time, and my family really got to meet Ashley and get to her know well, and vice-versa. Oh, and I got some sweet movies.

Well, it's time we had a serious discussion about life, love, and the philsophical nature of the Universe as we know it.

That's right. It's time to talk about a certain flick known as...Every Action Film Ever Made. Here's the deal. Aforementioned Shitsville has been pumping out action flicks since the late forties, from westerns to war films. Now, at the time, there were very few genres, and even fewer films, so the two types fell into the same category: action. And of course, back then, the directing was simple. A camera was record all of the action, but there was very little movement. There would be three or four cameras all taking shots from different points of view, and then they would just splice all the imagery together to make a good film. And that worked!

For awhile, anyway. But as time progressed, action films got more intense, until one day, you've got Robert DeNiro and Val Kilmer running down the street with M-16s, pouring lead into cop cars with the camera angles zipping around left and right until you don't know what the fuck is going on but you sure as hell don't want it to end.

And then The Matrix comes out, and your mind gets fucked in the ass, and odds are that you've come at least twice before the movie is done. What's my point in all of this?

Uh...old movies are were action films came from, I think. I'm not sure, I really kind of got off topic somewhere in there. I don't know.

Happy 2007, ladies and gentlemen. Good to be back.

Introducing...A Catfish

Here you go. Here’s some comic action for your palette. Take it home. Chew on it for awhile. It’s delicious. While I’m quite certain that not all creatures of the animal kingdom have refused to take a name upon themselves, I like the idea of a mutant-looking, short-tempered catfish hanging around drinking beer with salamanders.

Well, now that that’s out of the way, it’s time for us to move on to other matters. We need to have a serious discussion. And I’m pretty sure that you already know what about. In California, there is a town called “Shitsville, USA,” although it is known to most everyone else as “Hollywood.” Back in the day, Shitsville was known for dishing out some of the tastiest films ever made, including such grand flicks as Harvey, Lawrence of Arabia, and Leonard Part Six. These days, however?

We get Material Girls and The Same Fucking Horror Movie You’ve Already Seen In Eight Different Trilogies Part Two.

Let’s face it. America likes to see the same bullshit over and over again. We love it. We can’t get enough. Shovel Chuck Norris down our throats. And then do it again in twenty different movies. How old is he? 52? Fuckin’ perfect. Pump out a sequel to The Bodyguard, stat! We haven’t made a Die Hard movie in ten years? Who the fuck is on this shit?!? Get Carl up here immediately!! Clean out your fucking desk, Carl! You don’t work here anymore!! What?! People might not like the title Die Hard 4.0? Let’s call it…Live Free or Die Hard. We’ll fool the whole world!!

And where the fuck is Jurassic Park 4?! (You think I’m kidding. But I’m not)

Hold up, hold up, HOLD THE GO**AMN PHONE. Warner Brothers are producing a movie about the Battle of Thermopylae? It looks good?! Are we allowed to fire Warner Brothers?

Thanks a bunch, Shitsville. Hope the next fifty years are as profitable as the last. Fuck this. I say we go to the Serengeti. By this time tomorrow we could be doing body shots off hyenas in some Mogadishu hellhole!!

Blue Collar Life

Ah....the lazy, wasted life of a salamander. I am quite fond of the crestfallen look on Bigwig's face in the third panel. It makes me laugh with glee. I should work on their emotions. And for all of you who were wondering...my work may not be on par with Bill Peet or Seiji Gailey, but I seriously could not give any less of a fuck. I like my artwork. I like my goofy-looking, unrealistic salamanders, and even if I could draw them to look like this, I would keep my simplistic, unorthodox design. And yes, their eyes look like that on purpose. I throw that in there to show that yes, while our heroes may speak articulately and with vulgarity, and they may have found the way to drink beer underwater, and will most like at some point find a way to light up a bong while immersed in a swamp, they are still unintelligent. Woo-hoo.

You know, I'm not really sure why I named the comic "Of Warts and Other Matters." Salamanders don't have warts.

Shit, yeah they do. Ha ha. Nevermind.

The shiznit. Fo' cereal!

I cannot say that I have played Kingdom Hearts 2. I can, however, say that if I was trying to get high while playing Resident Evil 4, the button-mashing cut scenes would kill me every time. And he's right. You don't need to load the shotgun. They did that shit fo' you.