The Perils of Archosauria

Legend has it that God snapped his fingers and created everything. Then He invented the act of just chillin'. And you know what? I believe legend. Know why? Because He's God. However, I do have a serious question. I'm beginning to think that the whole "creating certain stuff every day of the week" idea might be a little metaphorical. Because where...the hell...did all the damn dinosaurs go!?!?

Personally, I believe they went into hiding.

Picture this. A pair of Tyraptosaurus Rexes, hanging out in the Creataceous period with the worst weed the future California has to offer, accidentally stumble upon a 10,000 year supply of Funyuns, as well as an XBox, an N64, and a 70" Sony Plasmascreen with a lifetime warranty. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, times were difficult millions of years ago.

The only reason our two heroes Ray and Otis (who now sports a tie, so you can tell the difference) have come back into the big, bright, technologically-advanced, mentally-challenged, morally-skewed world is in pursuit of more Funyuns. And pizza. Dinosaurs are straight fiends for pizza.

But at any rate, time to torture you with my opinions on stuff and junk. I watched my good buddy Zach Miller play Patapon on the PSP for half an hour today, and I gotta tell ya, I could've watched it for at least another, like...day or so. If I had Funyuns. You know, I knew a guy once who was terrified of Funyuns as a child. Seriously. I cannot make this type of thing up. He's a good guy, too, works in the restaurant business, lives with a sociopath who burns people, and once did a knife hit off of my stove at the old Woburn Estate. Swell guy.

Also, I played House of the Dead 2 today on the Wii. And if I'd beat myself over the head repeatedly with a hammer, it wouldn't have been much different. HOW ABOUT SOME EXTRA CONTINUES, YOU JAPANESE FUCKERS?!? Yeah. Irritating. Well, 'til next time. Garcia. OUT!

Happy Easter!!

Happy Easter ladies and gentlemen! It is on this day that we celebrate the resurrection of Teh_Lamb, who pretty much pwned sin at the cross. And Satan cried. Like a vadge.

Anyway, here's a new comic for your enjoyment! It made me smile. And then it made me wish I had a scanner so I didn't have to take a picture of the comic with a digital camera and then upload it onto my computadore. I've really been enjoying making these simple Far-Side-esque comics, hope you enjoy reading them. That's all I've got for now, another update shall follow later this week! Woo!

New Directions

So I'm taking this blog in a completely new direction. What would that be, you may ask??

ANY DIRECTION I DAMN WELL PLEASE.

Okay, so that's really not a new direction at all. But I started my long, arduous trek earlier today armed with a backpack, a sandwich, and a compass, but after realizing that I have no idea how to use a sandwich, I decided just to stay at home and post a new blog.

Whist sitting at the Peanut Farm last week, Zach handed me his now-shattered clipboard and asked me to draw a comic. My response? A pair of dinosaurs, one eating a dead man, the other rooting through a satchel. Suddenly, the curious dinosaur raiding the man's pack says, "Hold your horses there, Ray. This guy's got a Moose's Tooth coupon and twenty bucks." I was immediately quite smitten with the pair of Tyraptosaurus Rexes I had drawn (I can see Zach's maddened jaw, quivering in anger), one named Ray, the other Otis, and no way to tell the difference between the two, and realized that they could have all sorts of misadventures.

I was then asked to draw another one, after being threatened with bodily harm from Zach, who was, by this time, all hopped up on pancreas meds, and frought with anger from his despondent lack of Mountain Dew. I proceeded to pump out a bar scene of Cecil and Frank (with Miller aiding in the drawing of the latter) , my two favorite standbys, sitting at a bar. Cecil is pouring out his heart and soul to his aardvark companion, describing his sorrows and heartache with utter sincerity, to which Frank interrupts him with "Fuck off, the game's back on."

This brings me to my final point. I love comics. I love drawing them. Am I great at drawing? Not particularly. Am I good? I like to pretend I am. And my two beloved salamanders, their angry disfigured catfish companion, his curious love with a tadpole, and the drunken cockroach beer salesman? I will never forget them.

And so, it is with great pleasure and excitement, that I show you the death of "Of Warts and Other Matters," and introduce in its stead, "Misadventures." The cast? Ray, Otis, Cecil, Frank, Hazel, Bigwig, Fish, Lily, and Carlos.

Not all at the same time, of course. It won't be weekly, but I shall certainly be posting some new content soon. There are definitely snags in my planning, of course. Namely, my lack of a scanner or other such utility. I suppose I could take a picture of each comic with my digital camera, but geez. Are you serious?? Anyway, I'm excited, hopefully you are too. Now if you'll excuse me, I just bought some sweet Mexican beer. Tequiza. Try it out. 9 bucks for a six-pack. Delicious.

Garcia. OUT.